renewal

i'm just finishing the last touches on my Merry Christmas video ... and i cannot believe this year is already up... it truly has gone by rather quickly... and i feel just as tired today as i was throughout this years festivities... but Praise God for a year of provision and wisdom gathering... around this time of year, i feel a sense of renewal... not just because of the cliche "end of year" thought... but an actual excitement to finally put this years mercies aside and completely start afresh and new with my walk with God... not saying i've tarnished or ruined or disqualified myself... but an actual exuberance that should funnel from my already overflowing cup... i can honestly say, i've accomplished things for the Lord this year... but i know He wants to do oh so much more... i cannot wait to venture into new places this year... who but the Lord knows what i will meet this season of my life... i'm excited to see myself grow and be grown... to pour out more than i've ever done... its my 7 year mark with meeting the Lord and growing in Him this February... completion... mmm... i'm ready! i'm set... lets all do work for the Lord together! get excited church... fist pump!!! lets GOOO!!!

Maligayan Pasko!!!

spending time with family is always fun... to hear stories of old and eat... unwrap presents and eat... drink merrily and eat... and stay up cleaning and eating more... from karaoke to watching christmas movies and eating red velvet cake with 'Happy Birthday Jesus' adorned on the frosting... all in all... im reminiscent of the olden days... even though im only 23... but when we used to put on gift wrapping as vests and sweaters to singing music that was handpicked from others... it was a simple time... when all i received was a tamogachi pet and it fit my "list to santa" perfectly... when now... i receive 5 bucks... and im like... "sweet gas money" ... all in all i'm absolutely in love with what God is doing in my life presently...

there is such a respect and love that people show me... they attribute it to my joy and love i have for God... i attribute to God solely... but i'm awestruck when i receive anything... because of how undeserving i am for it... but i digress... i heart all of you faithful readers and i hope and pray God bless you this Christmas... Maligayan Pasko!!!

rock lee...

the apprentice has surpassed the master... a kind of cliche saying... but a well deserved saying for one of my fellow brothers in the Lord... my cousin Robin... has surpassed my every expectation as far as my vocal lessons are concerned... i feel rather inadequate singing around him now... golly gosh willikers... but oh well... guess that means its time to step up my game... off go the ankle weights!!!

san diego...

my home away from home... i feel relaxed and rejuvenated every time i go down there. it's like my place i retreat to after such a long and exhausting week of tiresome work. i'm tired from this lifestyle... but what do you expect from being an adult... i'm hard-pressed to find a moments reprieve... but it's calming to know that i am sustained by Him... my heart is constantly crushed and i hear things that grieve me, yet i find my burdens lifted knowing my Lord is in control... things i've known for a period of time, but things i need to be reminded of constantly...

i love you all... keep me in prayer though... i'm still tired.

humility...

a wise man once said...

humility isn't thinking meanly of yourself, but simply not thinking of yourself period.

the electric slide...

so tell me why Filipino's love this thing called the electric slide...

i think its funny how they can dance to any music... country ... r and b ... rap... death metal ... screamo ... and the infamous techno. its utterly weird...

but i'm doing wonderful... we're celebrating my brother's birthday... and i'll tell you he was surprised at the surprise party we threw... and i thought it was a much needed party since we for some reason we always celebrate our birthdays together... this year was memorable and grand... but i absolutely loved this year... i love you all... you're very dear to my heart!

domino's fellowship

i love my brothers... our night of fellowship started out amazingly where we just talked about Mexico... and let me tell you first... i loved our last missions trip to our missionary plant in San Vicente... it was amazing... the Lord started a work out there twenty something years ago... but what blew me away was the way the Father blew a new breathe of fresh spirit into the lives of the people down there... breaking the norm of salvation... pouring out at a film outreach and bringing many of different backgrounds together to find fellowship with the Almighty... calling the drunkard to repentance... the homosexual to know true love... the Father is always faithful to us...

our God is such great love... with all that i am i praise Him for who He is... he forgives us our sin, heals us in our sickness, breaks us in our pride and loves us no matter our faithlessness...

we as brothers are our accountability... i find my place of confidence in these guys and i know here in this place i can share my heart... i love it... hearing and building up... telling and learning from experiences... i love it so much...

come let us worship the Lord... i'm reminded of my life in Him... and how completely sustained i am in Him...

random...

silence is golden... but in my case... its rather bronze... i don't know where that came from... i just prefer talking people... i'm not annoyed by people continuously talking... i love it! it takes me beyond my mistakes and paths of life and puts me in a place to know, my faults and shortcomings are nothing compared to anything and everything around me...

i am a minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ! and as Paul states it... why would i desire this position? wouldn't it be bad to bear such responsibility? how can i do this ministry when i was never trained up? by the grace of God... God has borne my burdens and because of this mercy, i am equipped to bear Jesus' burdens... 'my yoke is easy, my burden light'...

from a place of constant disappointment to understanding my victory in the cross, i'd rather live constantly knowing my Father is the one whom places me upon His paths of righteousness...

i love this video check it out... sorry for the randomness of the end of this blog... i just became the director and choreographer of a play for mexico... next week... hahaha not a lot of time...

check in... TAIWAN!!!

haha... so im sitting here in taiwan with my grandma... after a grueling 13hour flight.. only to face another 3 to 4 hour flight to the Philippines... how awesome and great the airlines are... NOT!!! haha... the seats were so close together i was begging God to allow our other seat-mate to not have shown up... but He works things out for His great will... we survived and now... i sit and wait to actually meet and bond with my biological Dad... haha sounds like a movie... well... be safe and be found praying... it looks like they're boarding for the next flight in a little bit!

our crutch...

sitting here waiting for some chicken to defrost... it's okay folks i washed my hands before handling the Macbook... salmonella!!! i'm actually at my buddy Daniel Bergquist's friendly home and am very weary from today's rather hectic festivities... from work to the death of a family member today was rather odd... for those of you who have gone through the heart breaking trama of dealing with people that have gone through disaster, you know it's no walk in the park... and even with Jesus the Christ on your side, the emotion can overwhelm and take control of you... i praise God that my heart has felt loss and known grief, because now i'm equipped to those who do hurt and feel absolute heartache... i pray no one has to deal with this aspect of life... but it is an everyday process that we face, it's all enveloped in the great rut we call our flesh...

the cries of 'why?'s and the desire for vengeance and justice to take place, it's all too heart breaking... i'd be a fool if i said i could cope with those super close that felt this pain... because as the psalmist wrote in Psalm 33, "He fashions their hearts individually; He considers all their works " and how true is it... since he's fashioned our hearts individually do we go through our own hurts and problems... but praise the Father we He finds us worthy of friendship and conversation... but as the Psalmist continues on we see our place in humanity... to not trust in the things that give us comfort or things we can boast in... but to show praise and honor to the one who fashioned this world to be His footstool... as God sees... He knows... He understands... He copes... He sympathizes... you mean to tell me the very same Father who knows the name for every star in the sky knows my name and is willing to have intimacy with me? psshh... what a blessing!

that means i don't have to go it alone... i don't have to curse my family or desire justice, because my faith and hope is in the one whose name can be defined as justice, God...

to the faint hearted... know Christ loves you and desires you to be humbled before Him, give Him your everything and allow Him to work in you... be blessed to know that God is for us... if we are on His side... pray for those going through the thick of it... and who are crying with everything they are 'help!' ... let your burdens be placed on Christ whom bore our sins already... and is willing to bare our burdens through life... allow God to be our crutch...

tears...

i heart God!

this weekend was sooo amazing... from amazing worship to amazing studies.... the Lord was in our presence this weekend... and i am more exhausted than i was after the high school retreat... probably cause i was in charge... haha... man!

these kids are hurting so much... they need a place of refuge... and what better place to flee this world than to retreat to the mountains to get some much needed R&R... but there is no rest for the weary! we did battle with the flesh and come sunday morning... the battle still raged until, victory in Christ... knowing that they are forgiven was such the biggest thing to these kids. the emotions that came from that simple sentenace, "your sins are forgiven" made kids instantly weep... if you've never seen the eyes of a child of God as they realize thier inheritance in the Father, i felt unworthy! i saw tears build at the edge of 'daughters of the Father's eyes, and tears built up in mine with the single thought... ' i belong here!' i need to end here... i dont have much else to say... be blessed!

grace & peace

woe is me...

so the ever so clear whisper that the Lord continues to utter into my ears is that of my calling... i'm in leadership here at my church... and as i am in this position, i am a blessing to those around me... woe is me... i truly am a man borne of uncleanness... and i continue in this ever disgusting flesh that i call my body... ever plagued with sorrows and griefs, temptation and course jesting... and yet, i'm called... woe is me... i can only attribute this walk and it's blessings to the Christ, my Messiah and God... i shouldn't be allowed to help anyone... i fail people constantly... i'm not a man of my word... i'm, by no means, looking of the part... you know what i say? ... Praise the Lord...

i'm reminded of Israel's picking of a king... how the people looked to the man who stood out... the man a foot and shoulder above all other men, a man who won the hearts of many... but how the Father chose that of David... a young man of no promise, a man whom had no impact to this world but yet spent the most of his young career seeking that of the face of God... fast forward two or three thousand years, to a time where the Lord has yet to speak to His ever rebellious peoples... the pharisee's and scribes looked to power for the Messiah, they desired their king once again... but the Father deployed His best to save... a man of sound doctrine and counsel, a righteous and holy man who (once again) knew the Father face to face... starting to sound familiar?

to be called... to be chosen to serve... but most importantly to be called to lead... a gift that is possessed by disciple'ers, teachers, and pastors... a hefty reward, a two edged sword bearing grand accomplishments and achievements as far as bearing fruit... but to placed under such scrutiny, to be looked up to as you try to lower yourself lower and lower into the dust on the ground... this is what i desire... call me a fool... label me too zealous... be cautious and skeptical... just keep me in prayer as i take this natural gift of mine and explore it to the fullest and glorify my God...

(sorry this one's abrupt and my not even flow... im just sooo tired and i need sleep so night!)

... refreshing

for the Lord is good... and His mercy endures forever... mmm... so i've been thinking... i've been pondering and just simmering under the fire of that brazen alter i've been so adamant about... and i've yet to move past psalm 23... "thou anointest my head with oil, my cup runneth over..."

now more that the picture of the Spirit... more than the ministry of the overflow... more than the outward expression of the Father calling you to a job, a vocation, God's will for your life, if you will... i ponder psalm 133 man...

"how pleasant it is for brothers to dwell in unity together... like the precious oil upon the head, Running down on the beard, The beard of Aaron, Running down on the edge of his garments."

it's more than preparation for ministry... it's us, being refreshed... it's the second wind... from the beard to the garments... overflowing... feeling the wind to refresh us from the work we've done so much...

it's an everlasting process... it's the ever poignent truth... the Father seeks to restore... refresh... anoint... use... reuse... pour out... use to the utmost... and repeat the process all over again... and as we learn to "selah" we see the Father in an all new sight... we find the Lord in that place we once were once at when we were seeking Him at the beginning... we stop scratching the surface of life, and find ourselves going deeper... actually getting past the hard clay of the top crust... and delving into the cisterns of the reserve wells that lie underneath the surface...

God is willing to make my life His... my will transformed and given over to Him... but yet... He seeks to use and reuse over and over and over again... and when i find myself in that place... His Spirit begins to refresh me... o how i need it over and over and over again... my cup... this burden... my calling... overflows with the Spirit... man... find yourselves in Him... and be driven to worship the Father... be vessels in which the Father can use to where no cracks and no marring has occurred... that we don't leak the Spirit prematurely... but on that day or when the Father calls you to ministry... you'll be ready to pour out... because you'll be already flowing out of yourself...

... for His name sake

i just want to start by saying, "i'm so tired!" from the fast-paced ending hours of work, to just me wanting to get blessed by company and brothers so dear... i'm running on solely the Spirit... and it shows... confirmation after confirmation... man, am i blessed to be such a blessing to other people just by simply living the creed of a Christian, 'love others as yourself'...

however tough the request... or demanding the deed... my life prides itself in the Father! its by Him, through Him, and for Him... and He alone brings glory to His name... check this out... "for His name's sake" as David wrote in the culturally known Psalm 23... i'm used... i'm given... i'm taken advantage of... i'm wrung out... i'm dried up... i'm overflowing... i'm saturated... i'm blessed... for His name's sake...

to put my life into perspective... i'm 22 years old... i'm not quite yet ready to be on my own... i have bills and debt that i need to mend... i've been in ministry for some time now... 6 years saved... 5 years serving... i've seen the Father move... i've had the Spirit fall on me, received vision... seen healing... am experiencing intimacy... but it's nothing... nothing compared to what the church in Acts experienced... i have a steady job... promoted to a position of responsibility... and from what i see and hear... i've been doing a rather okay job... the Lord has blessed me with a voice for worship... to praise His name as loudly or as highly as i can possibly sing... i remain as Paul has desired... single... and i glory in the Father because of it...

but regardless of what i can say... regardless of how i am... no matter what i do... He will glorify Himself in me... amen... His name shall be magnified through the doubt... seen faithful through the struggles... remains fruitful even in my disobedience... man... how does one think that through? knowing that no matter what, God desires to see Himself edified in our mortal bodies... as unworthy as i am... i can't help but remain joyful... because as i seek Him... as i draw closer into the throne room of Christ... when i become poor in spirit... i find myself in Him... i find myself in Him... i find myself in Him! this vessel is solely the Lord's... even through the flesh... He will know me so well... and i will know my Father's voice so comfortably, that when He places in my path the temptation... when He brings me through the miry pit... when i find myself in a rut of immense frustration and sorrow... I AM HIS... and when He desire's to use someone... when He cries from His throne room, "who will go for us?" "whom shall we send?" ... He would reply in the same breath... bern... for I KNOW him... and in my sin... when He shouts the battle cry to take up arms... and i'm found asleep... He will raise me from the valley of dry bones... FOR HIS NAME SAKE!!!

my flesh...

so last night was pretty intense... from hanging out at "the well"... the night was filled with guitar riffs, questions of biblical answers, and the overfilling of great Thai food... i am thoroughly edified knowing that my saviour has His ways with preparing me and ministering to me through other brothers i'm in contact with daily... new and old alike... my brother brian...

why am i whole-heartedly an idiot? falling for the same trick over and over again... struggling with the very promise that the Father has answered time and time again... and yet, i doubt... i don't think past myself... i've been given the gift to see the big picture, hence my job (overseeing the facilities) and yet personally i can't overlook this obstacle to get over it... i throw myself upon that brazen alter of the Lord... offering my life a burnt sacrifice... the sacrifice that wasn't the law to obey, but was solely a sacrifice of a willing heart... a wanting and desiring heart to see one's self transcend this miry world, to a plateau of much needed intimacy with the Father... but every time i find myself getting on the furnace... it gets too hot... the fire becomes too intense... to see my flesh burn off and seeing the very thing that i worry about start to fade from my grasp... i jump off prematurely... i run from the alter because i hold on... i "care" too much... but no more... i can't hold onto the thing that is keeping me from giving my "all" to the Lord... it's all to difficult for me to just, let go... but Jesus never said it was going to be easy... His yoke is easy, His burden light yes... but i put this yoke upon myself... and i've been disobedient to the Father... i put the yoke on because it's broken me in... it's been proved to my neck... that's why i haven't had victory... that is why my life is still living "Spirit-filling" to "Spirit-filling"... never overflowing... never ministering from that pouring out...

realizing this... just from hearing Brian talk about his soon to be wife... and hearing David and Jameson joke about finding their P-31... haha... this is why i'm not ready... because i keep holding on, thinking that the Lord doesn't have anything more... how wrong am i? to see past the relationship and desiring His relationship... i learn submission... and just as i learn my lessons from the Lord... my wife echo's the same treatment... she will be submissive to me, kind and loving... compassionate, smart and very beautiful... and me... unworthy... yet loving as Christ loves his church...

epic fail...

failure... fail... epic fail... however you want to title it... it is what it is... disqualification... flag on the play... a penalty has occurred... i cannot fathom how many times i have disqualified myself, today alone! 1,000 times, 500 times, 52 times, even 1 time... its as if i just had spit in the Lord's face... my sin was payed for on the cross yes... but to deliberately, with the Spirit telling me No!, continue for a moments bliss? such sin is unforgivable... or at least should be... but through God and in God i am pure... read Psalm 21...

For thou preventest him with the blessings of goodness: thou settest a crown of pure gold on his head.

He goes before me... with great and glad tidings... He has nothing but good things to give me... i don't deserve any of it... Jesus paid my debt... and yet, my actions prove, i don't trust Him yet, completely... nor do i rely on Him the way i ought... as Shane & Shane so put it, "my heart sings praises to things that make me FEEL alright..." i flock to the desires of my flesh and give into the things of old... when my heart and mind... soul and strength should be locked onto grace and mercy, love and meekness...

i flip through and meditate on a Psalm i read about 2 weeks ago...

Also keep back Your servant from presumptuous sins;Let them not rule over me; Then I will be blameless,And I shall be acquitted of great transgression.

mmm... so the trick to living a pure life, and never experience failure is to allow God to keep you... give God everything... and absolutely everything... to rely on Him... THEN and only then shall anyone call me blameless... shall i stand before a jury of my peers and fellow human beings and be seen as Stephen, the first martyr, with a face as an angel... pure, undefiled... blameless...

i will falter, i'm human... but my presumptuous sin is taken care of... me thinking i'm good, turns into me knowing i'm good... me falling for temptation turns into staring temptation in the face and knowing, it doesn't phase me... me giving into my flesh turns into me crucifying my flesh to the cross... leaving it there to starve, wither and die... don't be like those who fall from grace... who over analyze simple theology...a failure... but instead, be like those of old... praying and ever looking to the author and finisher of our faith to be the ever present in our time of need... amen...

psalm 20 ... emotions

a plethora of emotions are running through my mind... i just can't seem to make my mind stop wandering for 2mins just so i can fall asleep... one thought beat by another consequent question abruptly silenced by my ever wandering heart...

it's nothing serious... but this is what i need in order to get my heart on the path of understanding... i'll ask the questions... seek to find an answer... but i know the answer already... i know what i have to do... it's just, i don't want it to come to fruition just yet... let me mellow... allow my mind to tangle, and then unwind... leave me to my thoughts... because this is my sanity... this is my "going through it" ... let me convey my emotions, upon Your word Lord...

i'm happy to see where i will be... i prayed for this jostling... i yearned for refining... Lord, i know it's You... calm my heart... center my very being... let me utter David's words so eloquent, "SELAH"... oh God of Jacob... now i understand... Jacob, wrestled... desired... fought for... never backing down... sought with all his heart... demanded... and was blessed... given... received... allowed... humbled... make me like that Father... in my toils... in my fears... show Yourself strong... because i am weak... i am fragile... i lack... i cry... i give in... i back down... i cower... and yet... i am blessed... i am anointed... you do provide and are in the process of humiliation...

be gentle with me Father... but let me go through it... i need the fire... i desire the heat... let me taste brokenness again... allow me the Fear of You... but for now... do not leave me... for i hurt... i'm stuck... i need... i want... but... i'm not understanding of even what i feel now...

"i need You more, more than yesterday.

i need You more, more than words can say,

i need You more, than ever before,

i need You Lord, i need You Lord..."

the offering...

i love where God has me... the experiences i have had... the moments of failure i've experienced, am experiencing and are going to experience... i love it... i love it, i love it!

but one thing amazes me... how He's building this shepherds heart in me... i want more... i know i'm not to desire leadership, Paul made that rather clear... but what i do know is, where else can i utilize my gifts than in leadership? discipleship...i think, is my greatest gift i've received so far... teaching, a close second... love, a tie for second... and worship, lastly... i love being filled with the Spirit... how can a Christian help but not desire this filling? it's so satisfying... its equally my completion till my rib is made known to my heart...

but till that time... the Father is all i try to please... He's all i attempt to please... and myself is all i need to give... my flesh as a living sacrifice to the world... the peace offering for my worship... the free offering to my life... the meat offering to the Father... awww man... God is so great...

today's blog isn't so long... im super tired... but i hope all who read this saw a little into my heart... and hopefully would desire a place of intimacy with the Almighty... grace and peace

yielded and restored...

first day back... and it feels great to be back... singing worship is a very grand passion of mine... especially when i know that people are worshipping the Lord... and loving some great vocal harmonics to boot... it comes with weird side effects... i was utterly drained after church today... i got home ate... and knocked right out, even through 3 phone calls from my pastor... oops...

the sermon John gave today was amazing... a challenge to the body to truly be in a place of openness to the Father, allowing Him to reveal their sins... but what broke my heart is the fact that only a handful of people responded... i'm amazed at the way John can preach to ages of all times... i saw young adults probably in their 20's to an elder gentleman come to the Father's embrace... i guess when the Lord appoints and readies you, no one can resist the scent of Jesus that is diffused from a believer, fully given to the Spirit!

it's an ever freeing feeling, to have forgiveness and restoration... i know personally what the Lord's restoration can do for an individual... that guilt, that shame, that burden, the defeat: released. but why don't people take advantage of it? that's why the church is here... to come alongside the poor and needy (physically and spiritually) and provide grace and love... something my church excels in...

i love learning new things and revisiting lessons learn long ago... today i revisited the Fear of the Lord... man, i almost came to tears thinking of who i was, and thinking about what the Father has to put up with... but yet He still finds ways to allow me into His presence... the awe of God the Father... my friend, yes... my comforter, true... my everything, sure... but my Lord and my God... the creator, the administrator, the controller all truth... and when seen in that light... of the God who can't dwell with sin... of the Father who reproves a child when wrong... God cannot fellowship with iniquity... and if our lives exude iniquity, sin, then He can't have His way in our lives either... and if you are walking with the Lord and you do have a relationship of intimacy with the Father, then you need to be understanding of placing yourself upon the brazen alter, and not getting off until your sins are purged...

sure, you can get away with not sharing your whole heart with the Father, good things will happen, ministry can take place from you, but when it's all said and done, you end up dry... wanting... needing... but never being satiated... because the Lord can't fill with His Spirit the vessel that still has dirt and remnants of earthen filth... the oil of the Spirit cannot be refreshing if you're still dirty and disgusting from the life of living in the world... God loves us... He will still use us, despite our stubbornness, in light of our un-yielded spirit, but think of how much more powerful your ministry can become if only you'd allow God to have everything...

then you can echo what David says...

"Thou hast proved mine heart; thou hast visited [me] in the night; thou hast tried me, [and] shalt find nothing; I am purposed [that] my mouth shall not transgress."

because David understood, if the Father is indeed the One whom equips, prepares and anoints... then it will be the Father whom will be the driving force, the power, our virtue... and in Him we shall be found blameless... be open to the Spirit, church... let us truly glean from examples past... but let us also remain in a place of ever being taught... cause the Lord is in the business of reminding and constant refining...

blameless...

i'm down in San Diego with the family, watching my little cousins as their mom has gone to the Philippines and their father is working this whole week... i get to spend some time down here and truly get away...

it feels good to just chill and hang out... sheesh! soo much better than the whole running around day in and day out... i just hope and pray that as i take time to chill and recollect my thoughts and mind-set, that i sit at the feet of my Father and truly enjoy my sabbath! my prayer for the week is the prayer of David in Psalm 18:23 "I was also blameless before Him, And I kept myself from my iniquity." I know the Father has given me every tool that i need to remain blameless before Him... keeping myself for not only ministry but my wife as well... to fathom the very truths that lie in the pages of the Bible... heeding the very words of David are all too educating... the massive attacks on his life, and yet he makes this declaration, 'I kept myself from my iniquity'? the same Spirit that resides in my life, was active in my Messiah's life many lifetimes ago... i have the power, through God, to stay pure in all things... temptation is good... it's my trial... some hear that and think, 'what are you talking about? isn't it bad to have temptation in one's life?' can i submit to you, No! falling for the temptation is sin. remember Jesus Himself was tempted, suffered, for me and for you. but what calms my heart, after repentance, is knowing... my sin keeps me in a place of humility! i do not ever want to be caught up in sin... i do not! but what i know is my God is a God of forgiveness, of long-suffering. and now, the ever falling, the ever desiring to be right with the Father brings about a kind of awareness to catch myself...

Back in Psalm 18:25 thru 26 "With the merciful You will show Yourself merciful; With a blameless man You will show Yourself blameless; With the pure You will show Yourself pure; And with the devious You will show Yourself shrewd." i am being made perfect in the Spirit. (Galatians 3:3) having said that, my life's desire is to show God in all these venues and conduits in my life... to be merciful, to be blameless, to resound purity and to know when i fall He shall be piercing to know my state and aggressive to see me broken! i'm His creation... i'm His workmanship... and i will continue to draw close to the Father, if He lets me... when He's done with me, i know then and only then will i be perfected...

joshua thompson

So i wanted to start this blog off with a very special brother to me... Joshua Thompson is a very dear brother not only to me but the youth of Calvary Chapel Moreno Valley... let us start at the beginning of this friendship...

i met Joshua with another dear friend, my pastor Sammy Martinez. we met on a lunch meeting at Portillos... needless to say... it was an opportunity of epic proportions... as he described his relationship with the Father, i sat there thinking... i should get away and seek the face of the Lord, and truly rely on Jesus for the renewal of my spiritual heart... a relationship with the Father was what his message was to me... to truly seek God... to actually desire God... and as simple as the decree was to me... the great depth it was to follow after Joshua was intense... I knew God but did i truly KNOW Him? hearing His voice... heeding His Spirit... was what i was doing for the Father enough? evangelizing for the kingdom... preaching every sermon like it was my last... was what i was doing for Jesus Jesus? was i ready to delve into deep waters, a life actually devoted to the Almighty, or was i still wading in water trying to see spectacular things in a fountain?

time and time again Joshua has challenged me to seek God... whenever our paths cross, there are times of enriching... momentary heart checks... periods of soul searching of immense importance in my walk... i attribute this understanding of the knowledge of knowing God to him... although i do know where i am now is a joint effort by many valuable brothers to my life, Joshua is one of those men of importance to me...

i think about the testimony of my brother Josh to me… how the Lord has used Him… and i desire that my life be as radically changed as his was… but my Christianity is not his… i know the Lord wants to use me in a completely different manner… but i wish… i desire that i can be as edifying… as loving… as sensitive to the Spirit… this is the desire i have… to seek the face of the Father… read my Word… and from the throne of the Father will i love… i will be edifying… i will overflow with the Spirit! give me the desire of my heart… for i know that this is Your will Father!

the Spirit...

it's one thing to experience brokenness when you're alone with the Father... it's another thing to experience that same brokenness with people like-minded... tonight... man... how can i express, rather, how can i describe the movement of the Spirit in the lives of most the High Schoolers on this retreat? It's beyond me that the Father would allow us forgiveness, but to allow me to participate with the pouring out of His Spirit to minister to His children? No way!

Tonight i saw honesty... i felt compassion overwhelming... and so much so, it knocked me off my feet... i witnessed the fruits of discipleship and the redeeming of a generation wanting! these boys, go through so much... they're partakers in paths unimaginable... but now they can add another chapter to their autobiographies... simply titled, 'the Spirit'...

reflecting on the time spent with the guys... i still don't want it to end... it's Friday, or rather, was Friday... and after an intense prayer session at the chapel, the Lord puts it on the hearts of the leaders in the bunk rooms, 'sanctify yourselves, for the victory that the Lord is going to produce tomorrow!' from that thought, obedience... from obedience, honesty, intimacy... righteousness! i've been a part of movements of the Spirit before... seen healing, heard tongues and their interpretation... prayed for the new believer and back-slider... produced disciples walking with the Father... but never like this... God knew what He was doing when He gathered us together and, using our backgrounds, allowed us the opportunity to minister... from broken homes to drug use, from pornography and lust to agnosticism... i felt useless... 'it's my fault this happened to you!' one thought crossed my mind when praying for a kid i've been close to since 5th grade... 'i've gone through the exact same thing!' flocked constantly... 'i don't know... i don't know how to handle this!' was my minds answer...

simply put... tonight was a night, even if these kids fall away from the Father, they will remember who was amongst us... fighting off the enemy... giving His children victory! they will remember God!

excitement...

for those that are involved in our ministry, @calvarychapelmoval , you know that the High Schoolers are going to retreat to the mountains for some time spent with our Father... i'm all too excited to see how radically the Father is going to move... i know my pastor is ready to share his heart... i'm stoked to even be a part of the ministry! be sure to stay posted on the blog as i will be sharing every night (at least) on what the Lord is stirring in our Youth... i'm ready!

but with retreats come attacks from the enemy... although we think that all we do is wrestle with powers and principalities, remember we wrestle with flesh and blood before the spiritual! from disagreements and disputes to mockery and malicious remarks, the enemy truly knows how to cause division... pray for our leaders... pray for our kids... pray for the worship team... that our collective hearts would remain humble... we would truly understand brokenness... and that the Lord would continue the work of breaking Fallow ground in our lives... don't ever be caught up in the arguments... as easy as it may be said... keep your eyes focused... you're a minister of the faith... not the over-seer of the entire ministry... unless the Lord did put you in charge... stay in a place where you're not in charge... as it was said, 'there are only two places that are safe for any human being, heaven and the ground, the difference between the two... from Heaven, angels fell... humility has yet to take a casualty!'

Brokenness

there is a lot to the word brokenness... from the daily struggle to find out just who we are, to the embarrassing truths that lie within each stone we've placed upon our walls that shelter us from the outside world, brokenness is all but intrusive... its because of it that we can be used to our utmost... it causes one to truly gain an understanding to the 'what's' and 'why's' in our lives towards things outside of 'us'. to stir us to draw more closer and rely more dependently upon the Father.

without the effects of this simple word, one exists to pleasure one's mind and body; summed up in one word... our flesh! a rabbit trail that leads to a dimension of truth where it's all about 'you'! our ministry to the Father is plagued with thoughts of 'our' desires, 'our' needs, 'our' wants if you will... minus brokenness in our lives equals a submission to flesh... a place where pride covers all thoughts... obedience isn't in the dictionary... meekness, which is power, becomes to no avail... all that remains in this life: a wanting to do the will of the Father shrouded by a constant anxiety that we feel, knowing that we aren't being used to our full potential!

but a life yielded to brokenness is bliss! as much as our flesh hates being stuck in a place of embarrassment... we need to know that the end result of us standing 'naked' before the Lord will produce a more sweet fellowship, a depth of intimacy that we as humans can never understand. because of the openness, because of our being honest, the Father see's us and heeds the prayers of the diligent seeker; anointing them with a fruit of the spirit that we cannot produce outside of the Father, self-control... oh the glory of the Father... to allow someone, unworthy, to a state of righteousness, unattainable... then gracing them to further their devotion to the Lord... because brokenness isn't a one time experience... every time we encounter the Living God, whether in worship or service or seeking, we remember how 'naked' we were before Him, and desire to be that honest with Him once again! it's own adrenaline rush if you will...

if you haven't been broken... if you haven't sought the Father in His throne room to be awe'd and amazed at His justification, may i be truthful and say, 'You don't KNOW God!' you're ministry, although you bare fruit (in man's eyes), you're not being used to your maximum... i speak from experience... only this past year or so have i understood, 'i NEED to be broken!' and let me submit to you, there isn't any other place i'd rather be... than before the Father, upon the brazen alter... being a burnt offering... offering my sweet aroma to the Lord... at His feet, my flesh crucified...

fallow ground (02.09.2010)

Starting out... i've been through my christian walk of six years now... i've born fruit of the spirit and know that the Father is with me... i don't claim to have some super wisdom of ministry, i'll be the first to say i'm still too young, but what i know is the Lord has His hand over what He's given me. He has allowed me to struggle to reach a plateau of intimacy that is ever-deep... i praise Him for the equipping i've received, and am looking forward to the continuation of what He has in-store for me!

From teaching the word to leading the body in worship, i'm an example to the diverse ministry one can partake in. But the horrid truth to being involved in ministry is the greater responsibility one will have when standing before the Father. i tremble to think how many people i've "un-lead" to the Lord... i'd have to answer for them all... i know some of my journey has been "flesh-traveled" instead of "spirit-led". But i know the Lord is faithful and just. i just pray i'm given over to the Spirit and that through living His walk will allow for the rest of my life to perfection in His Spirit.

i don't deserve anything that the Lord has done for me... i realistically would only be satisfied to know i've attained salvation through Jesus... but through grace... through God's abundant and ever-filling mercy, i'm given opportunity to be as the disciples; to live with the Messiah... to partake in fellowship and join in the glorious revealing of Jesus to us personally. i only dream of the day, when my flesh is finally crucified to the cross of Christ, and i'm transformed to a vehicle for the Lord to pour out freely.

But my flesh is fallow ground... my pride, my lusts, my weak spirit... keeps me reliant of the Father for everything... and as much as one needs to be kept as a sheep disciplined... i'm always seeking after the Father... making sure my heart is His heart... my will conformed to His will... but for the time being... i'm placed in a location... surrounded by Fallow Ground... a place i know the Lord only desires to use me mightily... i echo the words in my heart, "bloom where you are planted!"