a plethora of emotions are running through my mind... i just can't seem to make my mind stop wandering for 2mins just so i can fall asleep... one thought beat by another consequent question abruptly silenced by my ever wandering heart...
it's nothing serious... but this is what i need in order to get my heart on the path of understanding... i'll ask the questions... seek to find an answer... but i know the answer already... i know what i have to do... it's just, i don't want it to come to fruition just yet... let me mellow... allow my mind to tangle, and then unwind... leave me to my thoughts... because this is my sanity... this is my "going through it" ... let me convey my emotions, upon Your word Lord...
i'm happy to see where i will be... i prayed for this jostling... i yearned for refining... Lord, i know it's You... calm my heart... center my very being... let me utter David's words so eloquent, "SELAH"... oh God of Jacob... now i understand... Jacob, wrestled... desired... fought for... never backing down... sought with all his heart... demanded... and was blessed... given... received... allowed... humbled... make me like that Father... in my toils... in my fears... show Yourself strong... because i am weak... i am fragile... i lack... i cry... i give in... i back down... i cower... and yet... i am blessed... i am anointed... you do provide and are in the process of humiliation...
be gentle with me Father... but let me go through it... i need the fire... i desire the heat... let me taste brokenness again... allow me the Fear of You... but for now... do not leave me... for i hurt... i'm stuck... i need... i want... but... i'm not understanding of even what i feel now...
"i need You more, more than yesterday.
i need You more, more than words can say,
i need You more, than ever before,
i need You Lord, i need You Lord..."
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