... refreshing

for the Lord is good... and His mercy endures forever... mmm... so i've been thinking... i've been pondering and just simmering under the fire of that brazen alter i've been so adamant about... and i've yet to move past psalm 23... "thou anointest my head with oil, my cup runneth over..."

now more that the picture of the Spirit... more than the ministry of the overflow... more than the outward expression of the Father calling you to a job, a vocation, God's will for your life, if you will... i ponder psalm 133 man...

"how pleasant it is for brothers to dwell in unity together... like the precious oil upon the head, Running down on the beard, The beard of Aaron, Running down on the edge of his garments."

it's more than preparation for ministry... it's us, being refreshed... it's the second wind... from the beard to the garments... overflowing... feeling the wind to refresh us from the work we've done so much...

it's an everlasting process... it's the ever poignent truth... the Father seeks to restore... refresh... anoint... use... reuse... pour out... use to the utmost... and repeat the process all over again... and as we learn to "selah" we see the Father in an all new sight... we find the Lord in that place we once were once at when we were seeking Him at the beginning... we stop scratching the surface of life, and find ourselves going deeper... actually getting past the hard clay of the top crust... and delving into the cisterns of the reserve wells that lie underneath the surface...

God is willing to make my life His... my will transformed and given over to Him... but yet... He seeks to use and reuse over and over and over again... and when i find myself in that place... His Spirit begins to refresh me... o how i need it over and over and over again... my cup... this burden... my calling... overflows with the Spirit... man... find yourselves in Him... and be driven to worship the Father... be vessels in which the Father can use to where no cracks and no marring has occurred... that we don't leak the Spirit prematurely... but on that day or when the Father calls you to ministry... you'll be ready to pour out... because you'll be already flowing out of yourself...

... for His name sake

i just want to start by saying, "i'm so tired!" from the fast-paced ending hours of work, to just me wanting to get blessed by company and brothers so dear... i'm running on solely the Spirit... and it shows... confirmation after confirmation... man, am i blessed to be such a blessing to other people just by simply living the creed of a Christian, 'love others as yourself'...

however tough the request... or demanding the deed... my life prides itself in the Father! its by Him, through Him, and for Him... and He alone brings glory to His name... check this out... "for His name's sake" as David wrote in the culturally known Psalm 23... i'm used... i'm given... i'm taken advantage of... i'm wrung out... i'm dried up... i'm overflowing... i'm saturated... i'm blessed... for His name's sake...

to put my life into perspective... i'm 22 years old... i'm not quite yet ready to be on my own... i have bills and debt that i need to mend... i've been in ministry for some time now... 6 years saved... 5 years serving... i've seen the Father move... i've had the Spirit fall on me, received vision... seen healing... am experiencing intimacy... but it's nothing... nothing compared to what the church in Acts experienced... i have a steady job... promoted to a position of responsibility... and from what i see and hear... i've been doing a rather okay job... the Lord has blessed me with a voice for worship... to praise His name as loudly or as highly as i can possibly sing... i remain as Paul has desired... single... and i glory in the Father because of it...

but regardless of what i can say... regardless of how i am... no matter what i do... He will glorify Himself in me... amen... His name shall be magnified through the doubt... seen faithful through the struggles... remains fruitful even in my disobedience... man... how does one think that through? knowing that no matter what, God desires to see Himself edified in our mortal bodies... as unworthy as i am... i can't help but remain joyful... because as i seek Him... as i draw closer into the throne room of Christ... when i become poor in spirit... i find myself in Him... i find myself in Him... i find myself in Him! this vessel is solely the Lord's... even through the flesh... He will know me so well... and i will know my Father's voice so comfortably, that when He places in my path the temptation... when He brings me through the miry pit... when i find myself in a rut of immense frustration and sorrow... I AM HIS... and when He desire's to use someone... when He cries from His throne room, "who will go for us?" "whom shall we send?" ... He would reply in the same breath... bern... for I KNOW him... and in my sin... when He shouts the battle cry to take up arms... and i'm found asleep... He will raise me from the valley of dry bones... FOR HIS NAME SAKE!!!

my flesh...

so last night was pretty intense... from hanging out at "the well"... the night was filled with guitar riffs, questions of biblical answers, and the overfilling of great Thai food... i am thoroughly edified knowing that my saviour has His ways with preparing me and ministering to me through other brothers i'm in contact with daily... new and old alike... my brother brian...

why am i whole-heartedly an idiot? falling for the same trick over and over again... struggling with the very promise that the Father has answered time and time again... and yet, i doubt... i don't think past myself... i've been given the gift to see the big picture, hence my job (overseeing the facilities) and yet personally i can't overlook this obstacle to get over it... i throw myself upon that brazen alter of the Lord... offering my life a burnt sacrifice... the sacrifice that wasn't the law to obey, but was solely a sacrifice of a willing heart... a wanting and desiring heart to see one's self transcend this miry world, to a plateau of much needed intimacy with the Father... but every time i find myself getting on the furnace... it gets too hot... the fire becomes too intense... to see my flesh burn off and seeing the very thing that i worry about start to fade from my grasp... i jump off prematurely... i run from the alter because i hold on... i "care" too much... but no more... i can't hold onto the thing that is keeping me from giving my "all" to the Lord... it's all to difficult for me to just, let go... but Jesus never said it was going to be easy... His yoke is easy, His burden light yes... but i put this yoke upon myself... and i've been disobedient to the Father... i put the yoke on because it's broken me in... it's been proved to my neck... that's why i haven't had victory... that is why my life is still living "Spirit-filling" to "Spirit-filling"... never overflowing... never ministering from that pouring out...

realizing this... just from hearing Brian talk about his soon to be wife... and hearing David and Jameson joke about finding their P-31... haha... this is why i'm not ready... because i keep holding on, thinking that the Lord doesn't have anything more... how wrong am i? to see past the relationship and desiring His relationship... i learn submission... and just as i learn my lessons from the Lord... my wife echo's the same treatment... she will be submissive to me, kind and loving... compassionate, smart and very beautiful... and me... unworthy... yet loving as Christ loves his church...